How do you get your kids to listen to general conference? Maybe don't ask us!

We are Mormon. This means every 6 months we have to think of new ways of getting our rowdy boys  to at least pretend to pay attention to General Conference . For those of you who don't know, General conference is broadcasted from SLC and the leaders of our church give awesome talks on various subjects of the gospel of Jesus Christ. I remember longing for conference and I still look forward to it.... but lets be honest, we haven't really heard a complete conference address since our first baby was born nearly seven years ago. We try our best, but we have yet to find the thing that will allow us to listen, and our kids to get something out of it. I know there are  parents out there that have it down. In fact, just this morning, I stopped by my friends house and her 10 year old proudly showed me the "conference folder" she made. It was labeled conference and was complete with tabs for her note taking. I was very impressed!! But let's  just say we are not there yet. We land somewhere between color the pictures of the subjects as you hear them and conference bingo. Reverent? No! Get anything out of it? Doubt it! But we are trying...I mean really trying! I'm sure just today there was probably some amazing talk patting parents on the back for their efforts. It was no doubt inspiring and felt like a big spirit filled hug telling us we were on the right path. However if such talk was given we missed it. Especially since today we were not diligent in our conference "kid prep" and all of a sudden conference had started and we had no bingo pages or coloring pages printed out. Not wanting to interrupt conference to print something, we went with a new game. We had them listen for a word....every time they heard a word of mine or Daniel's choosing they'd get a skittle. We started with the words like "tithing," "Jesus Christ," "Church," and "Journal,." By the end we were letting it slide to forms of words, tithe, tithing, Lord, Savior, what have you. At one point Von pointed out the Book of Mormon was indeed a "journal" written by the prophets so we rewarded his deductive skills and a skittle was given. It was not quiet...but boy were they excited about the talks. Well except for the talk given by the sweet man from Zimbabwe. They could not understand a word he said. There were literally tears shed! "I can't understand what he is saying!!"  "We don't know what his words mean!" "Why can't I understand him? I'm not going to get any skittles!!" This went on the entire talk....I did understand him but thanks to the weeping and wailing I could not, for the life of me, tell you what his talk was about!! Aside from this one hiccup my kids really were  excited about the talks. They were even asking when the next conference starts!! A stranger coming across the scene may have labeled it inappropriate and too loud,  I however am gonna mark it up as a success. One down 3 more to go!!

I have a cousin who diligently did family prayer and scripture study EVERY MORNING. As a college age girl I had the chance to stay at there house a couple weeks and see the whole thing play out first had.  Morning after morning, before school,  her husband would call all 8 kids up stairs. He loudly sang some sort of morning song "oh what a beautiful morning....." or "good morning, good morning..." as he played the piano,.  He then called  each child by name until one by one they all stumbled upstairs. It took them a while to come up and when they did half  of them were still bundled up in their blankets still pretty much asleep. They'd wake up long enough to read their verses and then immediately go back to sleep. I remember her saying "they are sleeping under the spirit!" I thought of them today as we sat trying to hear what was going on.  We caught  maybe  a third of what was being said between the, "They said JESUS," or,  "I heard the word!" or "BINGO!" But at least we turned it on! And maybe, just maybe, our kids will get something from that.

For those of you who want to tune in and see what I missed  you can catch it at  www.lds.org

 

Things I have said to my boys this week!

 

 

Everybody has had those moments of "did I just say that?" It happens to me quite frequently so I decided to make a quick list of things that have actually come out of my mouth to my kiddos with in the last few days. Here we go.....

*Get your hand out of your butt!

 

*Yes son, you can paint your nails...just don't get it on the new rug!!

 

*Get off that rug w/ that pizza....yes, you can eat it on the couch (turns out once there is a newer furnishing the rule for the last new item is out the window. Thanks to the new rug the old "no eating on the couch" rule ...gone.)

 

*No, you CAN NOT fly even with that creature power disc!

 

*I will take you to chuck-e-cheese if you DO NOT do the fundraiser!!

 

*I will go on line and find you the lame fundraiser prize pen filled with bubble gum if you DO NOT do the fundraiser

 

*Why is there toothpaste in your hair?

 

*Why is there toothpaste on the mirror?

 

*Why is there toothpaste on your brother.

 

*Don't eat the book!"

 

*Don't spit on your brother!"

 

*Don't walk on your brother!"

 

*That is my laundry hamper not a fort!

 

*This is my bed, not a trampoline!

 

*No, I am going to the GROCERY store NOT to buy you a skylander guy.

 

*No, the $3 you have will not buy a skylander.

 

*Yes, you can use my glue gun and markers to make a train out of old boxes. 

 

*STOP pulling your baby brother in your homemade rickety train..

 

*NOOOOOOO!!! DON'T LET GO!!! THE BABY CAN'T WALK  YET!!!

 

*No, The baby can't eat your popcorn

 

*Get your toes out of the baby's mouth

 

*Why is the WHOLE roll of toilet paper in the toilet?

 

*No, you can't ride your bike down the steep hill, through the trees, in the forest!

 

*Sit on your hands!

 

*NO, I don't think  if you leave the flower, you made out of construction paper, outside that the bees will come pollinate it.

 

*We pee in the bathroom not on the trees...I mean the house is RIGHT THERE!

 

*You can not wear your Ben 10 pajamas to school!

 

*Do you have underwear on?

 

*Put some on!! YES!!! Even though you are already dressed!!

 

*NO MORE TALKING TIL YOU ARE COMPLETELY DRESSED! 

 

*NO MORE TALKING TIL YOU HAVE FINISHED EATING!

 

*NO MORE TALKING TIL YOU CAN SPEAK NICELY TO EACH OTHER!

 

*I don't really believe that you are sick but "just pretending to not be sick." In fact you running around like a mad man actually confirms my theory that you are  TOTALLY FINE!

 

*You are not staying home tomorrow unless you have a fever along with your  throwing up! ya know since you can gag yourself on anything! And okay, I'll admit, it is pretty impressive for a 6 yr old.... How very super model of you!

 

*Don't hold the dog by it's neck!!

 

*NO!! Your room is not clean!! Picking up a path of toys from the door to the bed and leaving the rest does not a clean room make!

 

*No, chips are not healthy!

 

*No, ice cream is not healthy!

 

*You can NOT have cookies for breakfast.

 

*Okay fine....eat a bowl of cereal and then you can have a cookie!  

 

*Is that pee or water?

 

*Thank you for my flower.  And why yes I will wear this flower weed in my hair, and probably forget and end up running errands w/ it in my hair....all day....all over town!

 

*Oh yes I do want stickers on my face! And yes I will probably go visit w/ the neighbor I don't know that well who will never tell me it's there!

 

*YOU SERIOUSLY WILL NOT BE ABLE TO FLY IF YOU JUMP OFF DADDY'S TRUCK!! YOU WILL DIE!! DO NOT DO IT!!!

These are a few I could think of on the spot. I'm sure there are many many  more.....maybe there will be a part two. Please comment with your favorite things you've said to your kids! I'd love to hear!!

Fine

Tonight we were out at our fire pit when my first grader informs me that a girl in his class was burned by fire. I asked where it burned her. He said "all over her body!" He has a pretty vivid imagination so I did some fact checking. when I said, "are you sure?" he said he was!  He said he even asked her if she was burnt by fire and she said yes! I asked if you can tell...if there are scars from the burn and he said there are! He then proceeded to described what her skin looked like.  When I realized he was not making it up I said, "oh that breaks my heart!" to which he responded a little mockingly, "why? she's fine!" he was kind of laughing  at me for feeling any sympathy for her at all.

I was thinking about the all the horrible things she'd face in life. Not looking like everybody else. The mean kids at school who would make fun of her scarred skin.  I was aching for the pain she felt from the burn, and the pain her family felt watching her endure that pain. All these adult thoughts and feelings came flooding through my mind. then in an instance my sweet 6 year old set me straight with a simple, "she's fine!"

Von doesn't see any imperfections in her....he just sees his friend. His class mate that has a cool story. She laughs, and plays with her friends, she goes to school, she is an ordinary kid...."she's fine!"

so.... here's the question of the day!  I started thinking about my first impression of others and wondered....."How do  we perceive people?" When does that innocence end? When do we start, not only noticing other peoples differences, but judging them for them!. When do we become afraid to sit next to somebody in pain and ask "what happened?" instead of trying to avoid eye contact.  When did we start worrying more about the opinion of strangers and our exterior than what's inside. And why do the sounding off of an ignorant few hold more power over us then the positive voices and  validation from those who love us and know what we have to offer this world!

Next time we see somebody that's different from us I hope we remember this! I hope we  see what we did as kids. Other people that our just like us with cool stories and a unique twist on life!!
He's right, she is fine! She is a happy healthy 6 year old enjoying life! She apparently lived through something horrible and is still smiling. She has already had to learn to rise above adversity, how to make the best of a situation. She probably has an appreciation for her life at 6 that most of us will never have. She knows the gift she was given just by being here. Thanks Von for the reminder!

The Middled

So you know the show "The Middle?" I'm a little fuzzy on all the details.....but the episode went something like this. Frankie can't go to a school meeting. She makes her husband go in her place.  She then gives him strict instructions about having to sit on the front row so he can be the first one to the sign up sheets.  She said he HAD to in order to get her on one of the better committees, instead of something like cleaning committee . She also insists that he uses a ball point pen, not pencil. She says if he writes in pencil the other moms would erase her name and take her spot. I watched the episode and thought it was funny.....but I remember thinking who would erase somebody's name? How tacky!!  If they got  to the sign up sheet before you they deserve to have first choice.   It's common decency, right? Well...... last year I go to my son's preschool open house. When we walk in we are instructed to sign up for 2 snack days and a holiday party. I got there early enough that the sign up sheet was mostly empty. This allowed me the luxury of putting  some real thought into the whole thing. If I sign up for snack right after a pay day I won't be nickel and diming it when it comes to my turn. Maybe I'm the only one in the world who thinks this way, but I want to bring the good snacks! I don't want to be the mom who phones it in. You know....the  one who brings $1 cookies from dollar store because she's  already blown her food budget for the month. If you have never been there I want you to teach me a thing or two about budgeting :)! Anyway,  I find my perfect days and pick the Halloween party for my party. I do realize that decision is slightly risky since they do have my application on file at the Baptist school. And it does ask my religion and it does say "Mormon." Now please understand....I don't know where this started, but  In religious mythology it is said that  the Baptists do not think Mormons are Christian. You hear whisperings on the street.....and these voices are constantly in the back of my head. I mean, I am a Christian, and I have yet to have a Baptist run up to me on the street and question this...or tell me that I am going to Hell....but you do worry. What if one faulty sign up decision alters the entire school's view of  my sweet child? Oh the pressure!! After much debate I decide it's their school having a party on  the pagan holiday, so I go for it. Halloween it is.... over say Easter.  I know the fun that can be had at a Halloween party. It's a pinterest lovers dream! Oh and bonus....it's a pay day!! My selection process is complete. I sign the sheets  and  jot down my days on my welcome folder. Not wanting to be the mom that forgets snack day I take a moment to put the dates in my phone as well. I am set!!

A few months later I get a phone call. It's Micah's teacher informing me that I never signed up for snacks so she put me down for the upcoming week. No, it wasn't the day after a pay day, and it was a week after Christmas (talk about blown budget!) But that wasn't the part that mattered. I was "The Middled!" Somebody erased my name and took my awesome days! Yes, it was indeed written in pencil! But those were my days!!  I got there first!!! I couldn't believe it!! Who does that? Now, not only do I have to race to the store to have decent snacks for the next day, but I also look like the flakey mom who tried to slink by with out signing up! Nice!

So moral of the story is this. We just got back from this years open house. Once again  I chose my days carefully!   But this time I am wiser. I am a follower of  Frankie's sound advice!  I sign up in INK!! Crazy parent is gonna have to use white out to take my place this go around! And as for the class party? This year they pre-assigned them. What did they give the Mormon girl who picked Halloween as her party of Choice? Easter. Well played Baptist school! Well played!!

In Memory of Dads.......

 

 

When I asked Daniel if he wanted me to tell him a funny story or spare his feelings he opted for the funny story! Yet another reason I adore him! Somebody that can put humor over ego is somebody I can totally hang with :)!  Especially for the long haul!!

So one night a while back we were  watching the news and one of the stories was about the boy who lost his dad at a ranger game when he reached for a ball over the railings. They then showed a clip of the boy throwing the opening pitch at the game a year after his father had died. My eyes started welling up with tears thinking about the sweet dad trying to catch a ball for his kid and dying instead, and the young boy loosing his dad in such a tragic way! It also hit me how upsetting that had to be for the player who tossed the ball into the crowd! He was trying to do something so kind and it ended up so horrific!!  Von seeing me cry asked, "mom, what's the matter?" I told him the basic story, He then  looked up at the t.v. where  the boy and his mom were standing on the baseball field and he said, "mom that's not sad! Look.he still has his mom!" A little taken back by his flippant response I thought I'd drive home the point by making it a little more personal, so I said, "Von it's very sad, what if that was daddy? Wouldn't you be sooooo sad?"  with out missing a beat and says, "no, you'd still be here! Besides, he'd be in heaven! He'd be fine!"

For the record,  Daniel would be missed terribly!!!!! The boys may not realize it but Daniel's way more likely to fly them like an airplane, carry all three at a time, camp w/ them in a tent in the back yard, let them take long baths with out rushing them  because we're in a hurry, play video games w/ them, buy them the "little hot dogs" they love (i think the very idea of a Vienna sausage is repulsive),  change words in songs to make them funny,   and read books in crazy voices! Yes, he's irreplaceable....even by a mom!

Days Like These....

So all and all my boys are delightful!! Full of energy yes...but also a blast!! That being said the last 2 days I could have done with out!! I think we'll start with our trip to Wal-mart to buy wasp spray. We had several wasps working on a nest on our front porch. The boys had heard me talking about them constantly! I'd tell them to be careful when ever they played outside, I'd make them to run from the house  to the car so the wasps wouldn't sting them, and probably made a way bigger deal of the situation than necessary (did I tell you I have an irrational fear of bugs?)! So my boys knew we had an issue!! We are walking into the store and I ask the nice greeter if he knows what isle bug spray is on...before he could answer Von chimes in, "cuz we have A LOT of bugs in our house!" It was one of those situations you wish you could say..."just wasps, not bugs, just wasps...and outside..not in!" but then you know you would look like a bigger dork trying to explain it away...so you just thank the stranger for his help as you slink away!

Then check out!!! We are at the register and there is a sweet middle-eastern girl standing behind us. Von does not know the definition of a whisper and his little voice carries!  especially when he's about to humiliate me :), he yells out, "MOM!! WHY IS SHE WEARING THAT SILLY HAT?" Being caught totally off guard I ignored him hoping nobody heard, so of course he repeats louder to make sure I don't miss it this time, "MOM!! WHY IS SHE WEARING THAT SILLY HAT?" I am dying and couldn't pay fast enough!! As we walked out he got a stern explanation about how that "hat" isn't silly, it's very important to her and it represents her religion, and we are respectful to other people's beliefs etc. etc.....but of course the girl heard none of that...just the loud questioning of her attire! Sorry Miss! If I were better on my feet in awkward situations i would have apologized on the spot! But at the time all i could think to do was get out! get out NOW!!

WARNING!! THIS SEGMENT OF THE BLOG CONTAINS POTTY TALK! IF EASILY OFFENDED BY POTTY TALK YOU MAY WANT TO STOP READING HERE!

So lets end the night with this lovely event! We are  at a concert in a local park and i take Von to the bathroom. The line is out the door and probably a dozen people in the bathroom itself. My son comes in with me then as i am going the bathroom yells out..."MOM YOU DON"T HAVE A PENIS!!" Thank you Von for the update...and letting everyone else know that i picked the correct bathroom line!

Then finally today....Von who is COMPLETELY potty trained is sitting naked on my couch  saying he wet himself! I'm totally confused by this cuz he has not had an accident in over a yr....including overnight...so i ask him what happened? He says completely mater of factly, "I peed on the couch cuz i don't like the new one! It's yucky and i want the old one back!" Yep totally intentionally he peed on our brand new couch!!

Luckily for my little chickadee he has the ability to easily get back in my good graces!! If nothing else (contrary to this post) he's a charmer! So a few apologies, and heart felt "mom you're my best friend!" and maybe and couple "mommy, you're beautiful!"  and the child will not be spending eternity in time out! but I am seriously hoping for a better Von day tomorrow!!

Soccer Champs

I'm afraid our children were blessed with my athletic ability! I love the idea of sports but never have been very good at them...and my husband has no interest in them at all. So i knew the molding of little athletes in the Barfield home was totally and completely on my shoulders. So six weeks ago i did it!! I signed my 3 &4 yr old up for soccer...and just as I suspected they are not natural born athletes! Game day however, is the most exciting day of my week!! Hysterical!! I was sitting there giggling at a game last week, watching each kid do there own thing.There was the kid  kicking the ball the wrong way, the kid wandering  off the field to say he was bored, the kid pouting because somebody took the ball from him, the kids running up and down the field in a group and never touching the ball, and of  course the kid that makes every goal and carries the team. No matter what the circumstance, or how lacking a kid is in their soccer skills, when that whistle blows you would think those kids were professional MVP's, and just won the world cup!!  Each parent is giddy with delight at their kids performance!! So my thought is this....I hope our Heavenly Father treats us like parents treat their kids after a pee-wee soccer game!! I hope no matter what.... if one kid carried the game, or if we kicked the ball the wrong way, got bored and walked off the field, cried because we didn't get to touch the ball, or sat there and picked the flowers i hope when life is done and  he greets us, i hope it's with the same enthusiasm!! I hope he throws his arms around us and says, "WOO HOO!! YOU WERE AMAZING!"  "YOU DID SO GREAT!!" YOU WERE OUT THERE TRYING SO HARD AND I'M PROUD OF YOU!!" Even if we  weren't the best at the game i hope we get points for playing!